Who Am I ?

Dateline July 2018:  10 years have passed since I wrote the first post on this website.  I cannot fathom nor comprehend how 10 years passed in what looking back seems more like 10 months.

These past 10 years have been tumultuous to say the least.  Almost everything I talked about in 2008, has changed.  Change has always been good for me in the past… but the changes I’ve lived through these past 10 years are hard to say were good for me.  Oh sure they say: “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”, but I am not sure there’s much truth to that as I assess 10 years.

But despite all the changes, I have remained surprisingly intact emotionally and physically.  And I feel intellectually I am more in tune with my life despite it all crashing down at the moment.

My slow decline started with my youngest son’s battle with heroin addiction.  Heroin is insidious and will turn an honest man’s soul black.  Heroin will cause a person to DO ANYTHING NECESSARY to get just one more high.  And I saw it up close and personal.

Turns out, my son’s heroin addiction triggered in me a latent tendency towards being bi-polar and while my son was spiraling downward so was I.  But through medications and shear mental willpower I was able to cling to my sanity and drag him out of his heroin abyss.  Today he is heroin sober, but there’s no silver lining as I will share.

Continuing my saga, while battling my son’s heroin addiction and bi-polar, one of my business partners who I had handed the “keys to the kingdom” while I was dealing with life altering issues, dishonorably and maliciously did everything he could possibly do to have me removed as President of my company… all done behind my back.  Somehow in my broken and emotional wreckage, I was able to claw myself back to work to see his malicious and treacherous deeds.

It seems this cretin of a man’s pride, arrogance and perversion so overwhelmed his judgment that he secretly acted out in ways that would ultimately bring him to his knees.  While I was dealing with personal crises, he not only was having an affair with a subordinant, but was stealing money from the firm, warehousing on his computer incomprehensible amounts of disgusting pornography, and hiring strippers for his personal pleasure in the office.  And I discovered after many hours of uncovering his antics, he had child pornographic movies in his collection of pornography.  Ironically rather than casting me asunder at my life’s weakest moments, he was aggressively removed from his position as vice president and from the Board.  Regrettably the police did nothing when presented the child pornography.  I cannot explain.

You may wonder why spend so much time writing about a person who betrayed and attempted to destroy your life… it’s because his actions have forever seared on my soul a life lesson.   And that lesson is that there is indeed a yin and yang to life…  and someday you WILL indeed “reap what you sow”.

If only my trials and tribulations were complete.  As of this writing, my business was liquidated in February, my youngest son has been in prison since October 2016 for drug trafficking and has at least 4 more years, I am single again after being in a 9 year relationship, and financially I am not able to foresee how I can retire…ever.

But amidst the chaos and turmoil, I still believe I will somehow survive and exceed everyone’s expectations… including my own.  I won’t give up on the future and as long as that is foremost in my thoughts I will survive.

And while I am struggling to survive financially and emotionally, I can see silver in the lining of my years ahead.  My oldest son’s wife had a baby girl in January named Skylar.  She is precious and I love her dearly.

And while being unemployed for the first time in my 40 year career, it has been only 3 months.  This past week serendipity struck and I had 2 lucrative job offers.  I have decided to go back to corporate rather continue being a small business owner.  I start August 1st and like my days at Enron, I feel energized, and prepared to meet the challenges of a fast-paced, take no prisoners company.  It will be good for my psyche I have decided.

In 2008, I shared how I felt 20 again.  It’s now 2018 and I don’t feel 20, but I certainly don’t feel 58.  Just writing those numbers, causes me to disbelieve.  I still feel invincible and am ready for the next 10 years.  So 10 years now I will narrate another “state of my union” address to myself and anyone who stumbles across my words to the world.

Dateline July 2008:  A conservative, idealistic yet cynical person who questions everything.  Enjoy passionate discourse.  Despise liberalism and the associated moral decay.  Prefer wide-open spaces.  Enjoy the rumble of a big V-8 engine and the smell of burning rubber.

My family is two great boys, who just are beginning their adult lives.  My youngest son is incredibly talented with a skateboard.  I continue to be amazed at what he can do with a board and 4 wheels.  And my oldest son very good with his hands.  He seems to be able to tear apart anything and put it back together.  Both boys, have much to learn about life, but at this point they are carefree.  Must be nice!

My three brothers are literally 2 1/2 year stair-steps.   Though my youngest brother is 9 years and 11 months younger.. comically he seems to be physically the same age.  My brothers have all done very well for themselves despite all of us losing our dad at very young ages.  Incredibly my mother did very well considering the situation.  And despite what many around us saw as troublesome kids, we all achieved far more than any would have expected.

Now that I am on the front-side of 50, and have achieved a fair amount of success, I look to the future as if I were a “twenty-something” all over again.  I am building a new business, starting an Internet Radio station, dating a hot 5’7″ blonde and having more fun than I want.  And to make things better, I am healthy, my kids are healthy and my family is healthy.  And now I have 50 years to do it all over again.  What more could I ask for in life.

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